ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
