Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
no you cant smoke seaweed
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
