Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
