What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
