party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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