He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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