Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
