$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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