I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
