i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
