he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
