I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
