If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
