My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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