If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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