Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
