i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
