I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I need to align my fucking chakras
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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