I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
