that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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