RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
