just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
