the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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