Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
