tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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