Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
