Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
