He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
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