is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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