Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
