Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
