My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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