end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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