Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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