I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
