I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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