so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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