Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
