Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
