So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
