I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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