none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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