Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
