She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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