Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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