i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
