I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
