wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Let's paint friendship bongs
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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