Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
