Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
