Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
