party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
