Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
