my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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