He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
