you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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