dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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