I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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