I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
