Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
