He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
