ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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