My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize