Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
