Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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