The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
