your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize