I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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